2015考研英语一翻译:我想知道一些英语笑话,短一点,简单一点就可以了,谢谢

ONLY A FEW WORDS
At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English. "Don't you speak English at all?" the judge asks. "Only a few words," replies the mugger.
"What words do you know?"
"Your purse or your life!"

DON'T BE SELFISH
A mother is admonishing her son.
----Now, John, don't be selfish. Let your little brother share the bicycle with you.
----But Mother, I do. I ride it down the hill, and he rides it up the hill.

Tom’s excuse
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".

Bad news and very bad news
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

MONEY AND FRIENDS
A: Which do you find more important, money or friends?
B: Friends, of course.
A: Why?
B: I can always borrow money from friends.

想要什么?

提供给你一个可以找到的地方！——《妙语短篇》

A bachelor had three girlfriends.One was a doctor,one was an operator,and the other was a teacher.He asked his mother which of them was suitable for his wife.His mother said,"Of course the teacher!'' "Why?''!"Isn't it clear enough?A doctor always says "Next please'' And an pperator says "please speak briefly',while a teacher is different.She often says kindly,"don't lose hope.let's try again.you"ll succeed in the end!`````````````

我自己打的，真不容易啊，呵呵！多多支持！！！！！！！！~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~