破窗经济解释:求英语小短文!

My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.
"Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson.
"Makes no difference, "replied customer.
"What color?" asked the clerk.
"Any," he responded.
"Size?"
"Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said, slightly exasperated. "My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them."

反正我太太明天会来换的
一位先生走进一家商店要买付手套。
“您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。
“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。
“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。
“什么颜色都成。”他回答。
“号码呢？”
“您就随便给我拿一付吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我 太太明天都会来换的。”

good news and bad news
The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot andtired. One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good newsand some bad news for you. Which one would you like first?"
"The good news!" they all shouted.
"OK," said the General. "The good news is that you will each be receivinga complete change of clothing."
"Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers.
"And now for the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, youwill change with Tom. Tom, you will change with Robert. Robert ....

好消息和坏消息
士兵们连续的行军，作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布：“士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢？”
“好消息！”他们嚷道。
“好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身衣服。”
“乌拉！”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。
“现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你将和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……”

Wings
The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, a quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, "Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly."

翅 膀
一天，我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现了一阵抢购狂潮，结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时，一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行，他从柜台上靠过身子来，回答道：“女士，我到这儿来是吃东西的，不是要飞！”

Mum:Mary,you must take off your beautiful sweater when you sleep.
Mary:I don't want to take it off.
Mum:Why?
Mary:Why doesn't the rooster take off its beautiful coat when it sleeps?

妈妈：玛丽，你睡觉时，一定要把漂亮的毛衣脱下来。
玛丽：我不想脱。
妈妈：为什么呢？
玛丽：大公鸡睡觉时，怎么不脱下它漂亮的外衣呢？

Two Hearts Beating
Nurse: How do you feel after your operation?
Patient: Quite al-right, only I can feel two hearts beating inside me.
Nurse: No wonder. The doctor who operated on you was looking for his watch everywhere just now.

两颗心脏在跳动
护士：手术后你感觉怎么样？
病人：很好，只是我感觉到在我体内有两颗心脏在跳动。
护士：怪不得给你做手术的大夫刚才在到处找他的手表。

Too Polite
A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything, but always found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far. "Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?" demanded the woman.
A smile on her face, the clerk calmly replied, "Perhaps it's because we're too polite."

太有礼貌
一名妇女经常光顾一家小古董店，但几乎从不买什么东西，却总是对商品和价格吹毛求疵。对于那妇女的粗暴抱怨，经理和她的销售员总是应付了事，但是有一天她做得太过分了。“为什么你们店里总是不能得到我想要的东西？”那名妇女指责说。
职员脸上带着微笑，沉着地回答道：“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了。”

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"
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超速行驶的理由：让风吹干我的汽车
WELLINGTON (Reuters) - A New Zealand man caught driving at more than twice the legal speed limit claimed he needed to step on the gas in order to blow-dry his car. Roger Daniel, 37, offered the novel excuse after he was nabbed traveling at over 120 kilometers per hour in a 50 kph zone in the northern town of Whangarei, the DominionPost newspaper reported. "I have a bad back and just thought I would do that instead of having to chamois it dry," he told police. The explanation failed to impress: Daniel was fined $191 and had his licence suspended for six months

惠灵顿:一个新西兰男人以超过法定速度的两倍开车而被拘,他的理由是需要加大油门好让风吹干他的汽车。37岁的罗杰·丹尼尔以每小时120公里的速度在限速50公里的新西兰北部城镇璜加雷一带开车被逮住后给出了这么一个新奇的理由,《主权邮报》报道。"汽车后部湿了,我想用这种方法来代替擦干它,"他对警方说道。而这一解释并没有给警方留下好印象,他被罚款191美元,吊扣行驶执照6个月。

Joke:The Clock

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

She asked, "What are all those clocks?"???

St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Hillary, "who's clock is that?"

"That's Mother Theresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Who's clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where is Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He is using it as a ceiling fan

Joke:Polish
One day a guy walks into a bar and ask the bartender if he wants to hear a polish joke.

He says you see that guy sitting at the end of the bar he's 250 pounds, he is about 6'3 and he's polish, and the guy by the door is about 6'7 350 pounds, and he's polish.

Bartender says to the coustomer and i'm polish to so do you really want to tell that polish joke the customer says no i really don't feel like explaining it three times......

Joke:What's the difference between women at ages of 8, 18, 28, 38 and 48?

8 You take her to bed and tell her a story.

18 You tell her a story and take her to bed.

28 You don't need to tell her any story to take her to bed.

38 She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

48 You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

上面三篇简单的,我就不翻了.
下面再转一篇<笑话共欣赏：世界各地的蹩脚英语>
在一笑中,对英语学习和与同学朋友沟通讲笑都有趣:

我曾写过一个帖子，介绍北京市内的蹩脚英语。昨天刘钢网友给我发邮件，说这种蹩脚英语，其实世界各地都能看到，有些甚至比我国的更可笑。刘钢网友还告诉我一个网址，上面有网站主人收集的世界各地的蹩脚英语，通常是公共场所(比如旅馆)张贴的告示。我去那里看了看，内容果然很搞笑，我于是从中挑选了十句比较短的蹩脚英语，拿过来请您瞧一瞧，主要目的是：看看这些蹩脚英语的语法错误，究竟出在哪里，以便我们今后在使用英语时，能够避免同样的毛病。下面就是这十句蹩脚英语。

①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

日本旅馆：如果您想调节您房间的温度，请控制您自己。

②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on duty.

匈牙利动物园：请不要给动物喂食。如果您有食品，请喂给值班警卫。

③Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

挪威酒吧：女士们不要在酒吧里生孩子。

④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins.

瑞典皮货商店：为女士们制作的皮大衣，是用她们的皮制成的。

⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

香港牙科诊所：由最新的卫理公会教徒给您拔牙。

⑥Drop your trousers here for best results.

泰国的干洗店：在这里脱掉您的裤子，等待最好的结果。

⑦Specialist in women and other diseases.

意大利妇科诊所：我们是women和其他疾病的专家。

⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday.

俄国公墓：欢迎访问这个公墓，许多著名的俄国艺术家每天埋在这里，但星期四不埋。

⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions.

丹麦机场：我们将拿走您的行李，送往四面八方。

⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here.

墨西哥旅馆：旅馆经理将亲自为您撒尿。

A mother was teaching her son a bout God."Do you know," she said tohim one day,"that God knows where everybody is all the time,and exactly what theyare doing."The little boy looked ai his mother wide eyed andsaid:"Wow!!He must have acomputer!"